I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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