The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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