I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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