So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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