I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
