i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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