Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
sex in a hospital.. check
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
