too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
