Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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