would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
