Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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