So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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