My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
