The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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