Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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