I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
