We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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