i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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