im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize