Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
