Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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