You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
