I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
