Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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