you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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