the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
