dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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