do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
