I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
