its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
