drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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