I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
