My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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