well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
