I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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