laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize