yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
