By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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