I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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