rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
