is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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