Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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