So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
