loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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