Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the day after is always just damage control
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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