rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
