If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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