I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
