Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
