The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
