i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
