Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
