Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize
