I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I forget how to act sober
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
