Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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