I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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