Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
