dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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