i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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