I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
