Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
