I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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