I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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